She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
