Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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