in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
