I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
