So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
