I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
