wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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