...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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