I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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