My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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