My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
