You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
