I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
