Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
