You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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