I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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