um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
