if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
