I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
