So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
