Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The uberlube is also flammable
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
