Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
