Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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