i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
