Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
