As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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