I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Randomize
