Can Purell be used as lube?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
