break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Where is the hickey?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
