I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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