Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
