Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
