at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Someone signed my nipple.
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