I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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