We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
