pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
