Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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