So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
