yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
