every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
