I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
