I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
