I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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