we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
