I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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