i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
