Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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