i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
