my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
