God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
