i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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