Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I'm really busy with my period
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