Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just want to make out with him forever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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